The in-service wasn't bad. My supervisor helped a lot by making what I said more functional and understandable for the CNAs and LPNs, because I got kind of carried away explaining the process and anatomy of the normal swallow. It was really really great to have her there, and she kept reminding the group that it's a team effort to help keep these residents safe and relatively healthy.

A lot fat good this inservice did though, I think, b/c not all the CNAs came, mainly b/c they are needed out on the floors. And I'm not sure I've seen any improvement in the way these patients are fed or treated at mealtimes. :( Oh well, my supervisor reminded me it'll take time and lots of re-education to make changes.

Well, I had my bi-monthly feeling-overwhelmed-breakdown this week where I left almost a half hour's worth of messages on my supervisor's voicemail after hours (she said she had her phone off after work and didn't realize I'd been calling), which cumulated into a rather lenghty email about how I felt like I haven't had enough training or education to prepare me for this job, and that I am always feeling overwhelmed and needing more support more often now as the school's caseload is ramping up (more screenings, more IEP meetings and updates due, more evals, etc.). Last week I worked over 50 hours. Today I woke up with such a headache and when I got to the nursing home to start work, I started to feel nausea and just had to go home. Today's my first sick day. I think I've been battling a mild cold for a couple weeks and the stress finally got to me.

I'm OK now after I've slept a lot more. My supervisor responded immediately to that email, saying she's sorry i'm overwhelmed and that the "caseload is becoming unmanageable--even for an experienced SLP" (hello, there are 135 kids in the whole district in the load). She said she'll discuss it with the boss of LifeCare Centers of America to help me get additional help. She added, "The CFY year is the most difficult and most stressful, but I think the responsibilties you are being given are too much. ... Please don't feel pressured to be perfect in every decision that you make. You are learning. Strive toward efficiency."

And by the next day they've decided to come here on Monday to discuss it with everyone involved - nursing home, school, etc. Man, Life Care Centers of America is awesome. They have good people who really care and can get things done fast. I wish I said something earlier. I responded to her email by saying I didn't know whether this was too much for me b/c I'm new, or b/c it's too much. Which is true. I also have this thing about feeling the need to prove myself (call it pride), which made me hold out for as long as I had. But I was coming to a breaking point. And the people at this bed & breakfast have seen me going through this, and were concerned too that I was coming home later and later. Hehe there's a pharmacist here who keeps offering his meds (not prescription, but he has a store of OTC drugs he carries with him) for headaches and to fight the symptoms of my cold.

Anyway, I'm just very glad that something's goin to change. I haven't told Vinny yet, but I suppose I should keep him involved. I'm a little hesitant to say something though, b/c he gets riled up easily for my sake and gets things done so fast - like on Monday afternoon I said I'd like to have a bit more info about Sunbelt before my talk at U of Iowa early December, and by Tuesday morning Vinny had a large info pack put together and mailed out to me, saying I should get it by Thursday or Friday. He's crazy I tell you.

But I'd rather have the LifeCare people settle things first. If this is confusing, here's the breakdown: I officially work for Sunbelt becuase they ultimately pay me. LifeCare Centers of America pays Sunbelt for providing me to them. Heritage HealthCare Center is a nursing home run by LifeCare, which is a national company. The Miami School District pays LifeCare to have me part time. Does that make sense?

I'll update again after things are settled. My supervisor also said that what I do is equivalent to 3 full time jobs. !!!!!!!!!!!!! I had no idea; I just knew I was losing my mind and thought it was typical for a new grad. She said I was doing a good job though, so that's happy. Oh yeah, my 3-month eval was not bad either. I got one grade of "5" (on a scale from 1-5, 5=best) in the area of organization and scheduling hahhaha She said I run around so much and keep it together that there's nothign more I can do to improve.